Man Counsel

From Criagslist.com:

What am I doing wrong?

“Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.
I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind
that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think
I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could
you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around
200 - 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get
me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married
to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as
I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I
get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my
feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east
side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have
nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead
gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story
there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they
hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for
MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I’m putting myself out there in an honest
way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front
about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t
able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
nice home and hearth.”

The response: 

“Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I
see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring
my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my
money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely
that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t
be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty
hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in
earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense
to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case
you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s
as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful”
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way.
Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.”

We at Man Counsel would like to wish you a happy Columbus Day. Unfortunately, this year’s Colmbus Day is marked with more uppity Indian bullshit.

 Man Counsel is angry at Indians of the Chumash Tribe for working to revoke the permit of the Winchester Canyon Gun Club in Santa Barbara County, California. The problem seems to be that the gun club is near the “wind caves” and its use disrupts the backward and ridiculous religious practices that take place there.

 In a news article about the situation, the Daily Nexus reports that a coalition of Indians tribes is bringing a legal challenge of sorts against the gun club:

The Coalition argued that alleged disruptions of religious ceremonies at the Wind Caves violated the American Indian Religious Freedom Act.

The gun club’s website responds with:

The Appellants seem to be making a fuss about the public use of that site, which is an issue between the Native Americans (who are not Chumash) and the [United States Forest Service].

Man Counsel has a few questions about this. Here they are in no particular order:

1. After having their religious rituals in the “Wind Caves,” at what point did the ancient Chumash retreat to their casino to partake in the traditional bilking of quarters from the wite man with slot machines?

 2. Shouldn’t Indians be used to white men with guns ruining their shit by now?

 3. When did the federal government move from a Trail of Tears philosophy to a coddle the Indians and fuck over a lot of people trying to engage in a hobby philosophy?

 4. Can we expect a new Trail of Tears at some point in the future?

Happy Columbus Day!

“Trail of Tears”

In the elevator today, on that tiny news screen that everybody stares down to avoid eye contact, it reported that Princess Dianna may or may not have been pregnant when she died a few years ago.  Later, I saw an article that claimed images were released of her before she died.  My question to the world: Who fucking cares?  I must admit I have no idea who she is. I’m pretty sure she’s British because those blokes love to add titles to their names and pretend they mean something.  

Of all the millions of people who’ve died in the world, you decide to spend 30 seconds telling me that this Princess may or may not have been pregnant and the world will likely never know.  Wow. 

I know of many respectable people who have died in just this last year.  Pick up any local newspaper and glance the obituaries; a handful of heroes have died this week.  There are soldiers, ranchers, businessmen, stuntmen, and others dieing every day that contributed to society more than we’ll ever understand.  Yet I’m reading about the British Ben-ifer on my way to work.

Hell, she’s not even attractive.