Man Counsel

This is a letter from one of Man Counsel’s newest readers. She offers a critique of The Classic Pump and Dump.

The funny thing is that before her attempted in depth analysis of the Man Counsel team, she neglected to actually read the post, which states that it is taken from Craigslist.org. If you actually read her rambling and incoherent bullshit, you will realize that at the heart of her argument is that thanks to the miracles of modern plastic surgery, women can look hot forever.

We here at Man Counsel wish that were true. Unfortunately, this picture of Joan Collins begs to differ:

Incidentally, I am the only member of the Man Counsel team who has a career in finance. And I have nothing to do with trading or Wall Street.

Dear Sir,

I must confess that I was somewhat taken aback upon reading your email. Indeed, it has taken some time for me to sufficiently recuperate from my surprise. Lest your confidence quickly inflate for little reason (as we know is the predisposition for Wall St. types), allow me to hasten to reassure you that the source of my surprise was neither your candor nor the accuracy of your perception. Indeed, it is your “claimed” success in light of your poor grasp of economics which has me baffled. If the standards required to meet with financial success on Wall St. have sunk so low, perhaps I should indeed “make my own money”, except for the fact that the effort/reward ratio is far too high for my liking - especially when so many of your ilk have displayed a far more cogent grasp of market realities than you have.

By now you are likely scratching your ever-vanishing hairline in confusion, so allow me to elaborate, dear man. To build some credibility I will tell you a bit more about yourself. Though you did not mention the details of your occupation, it is clear that you are an investment banker and not a trader, as any good trader would understand that human courtships are based upon a semi-efficient open market, and not an investment banking cartel. However, your inability to grasp the realities of the dating market is not surprising, given that you have successfully employed the tools of collusion and market manipulation rather that true acumen in your supposed wealth generation.

If your grasp of finance were not a minority partner with your ego, you would realize that the “outflows” associated with my depreciating “assets” are quite certain, and therefore subject to a low discount rate when determining their present value. In addition, though your concept of economics evidentially failed to move past the 1950s, advancement in plastic surgery is not subject to the same limitation. Thus, with some additional capital expenditure, the overall lifetime of “outflows” generated by these assets is greatly increased. Sad that Ashton Kutcher has demonstrated understanding of the female asset class which you, in all of your financial “wisdom”, have not.

You, on the other hand, are, given the uncertainty of the Wall St. job market, more of an inflation-indexed junk bond with an underwater nested call option. Though you may argue that you are more of an equity investment, my monetary minimums required from you do not change, and if you are unable to pay them, I will liquidate you without the benefit of a chapter 11, just as you would me.

Because your outflows are so much more uncertain with respect to mine, I require additional compensation in the form of a underwater nested call option on your future assets. I say underwater because, even taking into account the value of your junk bond coupon payment to me, the value of my “outflow” is in excess of the market price of your equity (which is quite low due to its riskiness associated with your poor grasp of finance and my existing claim upon your junk bond coupon).

I must thank you though for raising the question, despite the reputation cost of subjecting your weak logic to such widespread scrutiny. This took either considerable courage or ignorance on your part- and we’ll give you the benefit of doubt, just this once. My current boyfriend (a trader who lives in Central Park West, of course) and I thoroughly enjoyed discussing your response and we wish you the best of luck in your unhappy pursuit of that elusive market inefficiency.

Here is a case of a man taking things into his own hands.  Bill Inman is riding his horse, Blackie, from Oregon to North Carolina to tell the stories of hardworking, honest everyday people in rural America.  Bill and his horse, a 16-year thoroughbred-quarter horse mix are averaging 20-25 miles a day along backroads.   His wife, Brenda, drives ahead in a pickup and horse trailer filled with water and provisions for Blackie, three dogs and themselves.

The two estimate the journey will cost them $45,000. They also would like to to make a documentary film and write a book, and a filmmaker and Web site operator are tagging along.

Man Counsel salutes Bill and Blackie and wishes them well in their future journeys…  We just want to know where we mail the check (seriously).